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When Your Soul Feels Restless - A Reflective Poem

November 12, 2019 Anna Krjatian

Sunsets at St Kilda Beach in Melbourne, photo taken by Anna Krjatian
Sunsets at St Kilda Beach in Melbourne, photo taken by Anna Krjatian

"Sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired."
~ Anonymous


Have you ever felt tired for no reason, but also restless with expectations you had of yourself? 

Not tired because of a long day, or because work was intense, but tired because you're just tired.

You couldn't explain this fatigue to people.

You just felt, exhausted

No reason, other than that's what it was.

I feel you.

You see, this past year I've felt tired.

So much so, that I was going to sleep earlier and sleeping in on weekends.  

Maybe it was because Saturn was retrograding.

Or because I moved cities and started anew elsewhere.

Or maybe it's because I entered the new decade of my life (the big three o).

I'm not sure what to account it to, but for one reason or another, my drive, ambition, radiance and excitement wasn't where it had been the past few years. I was drained for no reason. Well... I mean... I didn't think there was a reason. But I guess the past decade of my life (and more) had finally caught up with me. Which meant that my body decided "ok dear, you must rest.'

I also spent a lot of energy on healing and that can also be attributed to the fatigue. Anyone else find that feeling is exhausting? Much like the body takes energy to heal from physical ailments, the same applies for emotional ones. Spending so much time and energy on healing past patterns and traumas, this could be another reason for my fatigue.

Do you also relate? 

Well there was one particular night were I was both extremely exhausted and ridiculously restless at the same time

And that is when the muse hit me. 

So I wrote this poem.

My favourite stanza is the one about technology.


What's yours? 

 

Restless

 

I feel it
But also
Exhausted
Not just from life
But LIFE.
Yes, in capitals
But my spirit is restless
Aching
Longing
Impatient
For “that” and “this”
Whatever “that” and “this” is.
 
Exhausted
Jet-lagged
But not from flying
In the air
Just the endless flying
Of the air
Go here
Do this
Organise that
Does no one else sense
This madness?
 
Technology
Was meant to simplify
But instead
What simplicity?
It seems life
Has become MORE
Complex
And that there is no
Relief from it
More fast-paced
More burnt-out
More
More
More
More
MOOOORE
Until when?
When is enough
Finally
Enough?
At what point do we say
Stop?
 
Restless
Exhausted
Eyes dropping
And here I sit
Instead of sleeping
Here I put words
On the screen
Inside my soul is screaming
“SLEEEEEP”
And the muse
Keeps me, awake
And restless
Will this tug of war
Never end?

~ Written by Anna Krjatian
Wednesday 28th August 2019

p.s. If the words resonates with you, please share them!

Anna Krjatian is the founder and director of The Butterfly and the author of Unmasking Depression and Lovely - Poetry on Love and Loss. In 2016 she was nominated as a semi-finalist in the Australian Women's Weekly and Qantas Woman of the Future. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram for more stories and insights.

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