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I Used To - A Reflective Poem

October 24, 2019 Anna Krjatian

Melbourne beach sunset in October 2019.
Melbourne beach sunset in October, 2019. Photo by Anna Krjatian


"Let us remember: One book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world." ~ Malala Yousafzai

I'll be changing up my blogs a little bit and sharing a whole lot more poetry for you to enjoy.

I wrote this particular poem in September this year. I can't quite remember what triggered or inspired the words but with my recent move to Melbourne, I have been spending a lot of time thinking, working, growing, shifting and most importantly, becoming.

This poem reflects many beliefs I used to hold. Beliefs that I am now breaking, re-wiring and considering if they're still valid. As you read on, you may feel similar to how I felt. If you do, feel free to leave a comment! I read every one of them and love to hear people's perspectives. 

If you enjoy the poem or it resonates, please feel free to share as well! 

Here goes!

...

I Used To

I used to
Wear the hours
Proud on my sleeve
As though not sleeping
Was the mark
Of something
Or someone
Special
 
I used to
Think that success
Had one metric
Until I learnt
That those who GAVE
Success that metric
Weren’t at all
“Successful”
But simply wanted to
Feel
Special
 
I used to
Look at others
Who took breaks
Wishing that I was them
Now I’ve learnt
That wisdom is knowing
When to start
And when to stop
And the difference between
Knowing this is
A kind of wisdom
That makes one
Special
 
I used to
Wish my life was easier
That my past was different
That maybe I grew up
At a different time
With different...
Well... everything!!
But now
Now I wish to learn
Learn why I chose this life
Why I chose my past
Why I chose now
Why I chose me
And learn how
This is so
Special
 
I used to
Think that wealth is evil
That money is bad
But I had since learnt
That wealth and money
Are simply
Magnifiers
The more you have
The more the world sees
Of what you have inside
And that, my friends,
Is something
Special
 
(Because not everything
So quickly shows
A man or woman’s character
Quite like
A bucket full
Of cash
And that
Is why
It’s
Special)
 
And
I used to
Care
So much
Oh ever so so much
Of pleasing others
So much so
That pleasing myself
Was never on my list
Because I didn’t know
My worth, you see
And now, now I’ve recognised
That others will take and take
And it is up to you to decide
When to draw the line
Set boundaries
And start caring for yourself
Because you too
Are
Special
 
I used to
Wonder why
Why is there so much
Crime
And treason
And pain
And suffering
And disaster in this world
Until I realised
Some people are just too
Used to
Playing victim
And others
Too absorbed in
Their trauma
To find help
Neither realising
That both are lessons
To help them recognise
Something
Special
 
I used to
Want to change the world
See a happier, brighter place
Help absolutely everyone
Until one day
I looked within
And asked
“But does the world WANT changing?”
And then I realised this
I can only change my world
My inner world
And maybe this could impact
Someone else’s world
Because until I am whole inside
What use
Would it be changing
Something that was so content
In being what it is?
And that was when
I realised
I’m no more
Special
Than anyone else
And that’s what makes me
Special
None-the-less.
 
~ Written by Anna Krjatian
Thursday 5th September 2019

Anna Krjatian is the founder and director of The Butterfly and the author of Unmasking Depression and Lovely - Poetry on Love and Loss. In 2016 she was nominated as a semi-finalist in the Australian Women's Weekly and Qantas Woman of the Future. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram for more stories and insights.

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